It’s hard to remember the good times when so much is in front of you. You may enjoy your job, have a family you love and friends that you care about. And yet, so much feels like it is out of reach. The happiness and peace you can remember in earlier times, where did it go?
You feel alone more than you let on.
When you get done with your day to day work, it feels exhausting to think about the other parts of life that need your attention. Perhaps the life you once worked hard for is here, but it is not feeling like what you expected. Where is the joy? It doesn’t have to feel so hard. Reach out today to learn more.
You spend hours everyday doing the right things, taking care of others and making sure that your work is done well. You deserve to enjoy that same care, internally. Tapping into your own body’s wisdom, and taking the time to learn from it, will move you out of what isn’t and into what can be. What you want. What you deserve.
It begins with slowing down and hearing what you need, and it ends with you moving into true respect and love for yourself, more than anyone else.
When you feel more in connection with your inner voice, you don’t struggle to know when you should speak up, or when to walk towards something good for you. The questions stop popping up as much, because the answers start to come. Trusting your inherent wisdom leads you to a fresh sense of who you are, and who you want to be.
My desire to work with trauma comes from a personal history of experiencing challenges that took time and the right therapies to process. My focus on bottom up approaches, specifically on the nervous system and its healing, is derived from my own experiences with EMDR, SE, IFS, Brainspotting and Trauma Informed Yoga.
You’re never alone, kid.
An elderly man named Ed said that to me more than 20 years ago, at a time where I was in need of support and had little understanding of the path to take. He looked in my eyes and I will never forget how he made me feel. How much he saw me, in that instant in a church basement.
The key to finding healing, in my personal and professional experience, is finding the people and methods that offer compassion, wisdom and new learned experiences to embody. Recovery started in a place so far from where I find myself today, and yet my heart will always remember Ed for giving me the hope to move towards something new.
When you can’t loosen the grip of certain thoughts, feelings or images, you feel trapped. The past comes back so quickly, it seems like it never left. But everyone else seems to be doing better. It’s hard to relate or even feel safe. Your heart may race, legs might shake.. It can even be hard to make eye contact when things feel so out of control in your head, heart and body.
What brought you here, brought you here.
And where you go next is up to you. You don’t have to remain in this place of chaos. You can let go of what has become stuck in your body by listening to your body.
With Somatic Experiencing (SE), we get to the root of the problem by returning to your body, in safety and with compassion at the forefront. The tools are inside of you, you just need help to find them. Finding yourself again is a journey that requires time and guidance, and you are worth it.
The past can be hard to let go of. Sometimes experiences become “frozen” in your mind and body and you can’t shake them. This makes it hard to live in today and be present in relationships with yourself and others.
You might find yourself “back there”, not right here. Or reacting in a way that feels like it’s not you. It’s almost impossible to feel stable or grounded in that place. And that is part of the solution – learning to be grounded.
To feel better, to be more grounded in who you really are.
Finding someone to listen to our fears and concerns is validating, especially if no one has before. And it is not the only part of processing the stuck parts of the past. Therapies like EMDR and Brainspotting can help us process that old stuff without having to talk about all the details, because it is not in the details that we find the healing.
The “magic” happens as you work through past hurts with BLS (Bilateral Stimulation), such as with tapping or with music, going back and forth from one side of the body to the other. You will feel calmer in this process and allow your nervous system the ability to have “one foot” in the past activation, and the other in the present. You can transform negative, past events, and feel better about them. You can heal them.
Find peace in what is, to find pleasure in what can be
Disconnection doesn’t start overnight. You may feel that heaviness when considering past relationships, or ways in which things turned out in a way you hadn’t wanted. There may be parts of you that know you want one thing, and other parts unwilling to push past the fear of the unknown.
Even when you know that you want change more than anything, it can be downright impossible to get there. Withdrawing when what you want more than anything is to feel less alone is painful, and it takes valuable time and energy from you.
Reclaiming the missing pieces of you to put it all together. Because all parts are good.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) isn’t about pushing or pulling at all. It’s about listening to all of you, to heal and find compassion for the parts that need to be seen and heard. You deserve to connect to and respect all of you.
IFS can help connect to the part of you that feels the need to get it all done and be the best, and to another that feels like eating carb loaded food late at night to feel better. All of these parts have something to teach you, and when you understand them, you can shift towards new ways of being, without excluding any parts.
Dealing with behaviors that don’t offer you true peace of mind, but sometimes feel really good in the moment, like late night eating or drinking a few extra drinks, can spiral. Not only is your health impacted, but your self esteem can take a dip. Which can demotivate any further consideration of change.
Having challenges in work, home, and social circles can add to the frustration and desire to just want to eat or drink whatever will make you feel good in the moment. While I am not a disordered eating trained therapist, I am a licensed AODA therapist and can attest to the mounting challenges that come with ongoing unhealthy behaviors.
When we find the “Whys”, the “Hows” come so much easier.
Motivational Interviewing (MI) is often used to address health concerns, and offers help when you want to move forward in change, but feel stuck. It’s also a great preparation for other therapies, such as (link here to bottom up page) bottom up approaches.
You’ll learn to find the strength inherent inside to grow and change, even if in the past, it hasn’t happened. This is about your change, not mine. You and I will find those “Whys”, what really motivates change long term, and then, focus on the “Hows, Whats, and Wheres.” MI focuses on partnership, acceptance, compassion and evocation of your motivation. Teaming it with EMDR/Brainspotting and SE is also very beneficial.
Your body knows what it needs to heal.
When I met Jayce, he had been out of the USMC for five years, after two tours in Afghanistan and had seen more than anyone should ever have to witness. His eyes were tired and he didn’t look like he was in his late 20s. It was evident that returning home was forecasted as a wonderful return to what he knew in the midwest – his family of origin, friends, and a job he could work hard at.
Instead, being home brought back a profound sense of loss and grief, mixed with anger and disgust. He was beginning to use stimulants to get back to somewhere he remembered, long before boot camp. His life energy was low and he didn’t know where to go. This was eating away at a recently earned promotion and the relationship he had with his significant other and family.
Embracing the pain to find the space to move on
Jayce and I began with talk therapy (specifically MI) and realised that the past had a lot of activation that needed to be worked through, in order to focus on healthy change. He was open to utilizing EMDR, and was able to share only what he felt comfortable speaking. After all, it wasn’t what we was telling me that was healing him. It was the courage he had to be with it as we went through EMDR.
We spent a lot of time learning grounding exercises, such as belly breathing, calm, peaceful place, and other bottom up techniques. He learned to embrace the soldier that wanted to leave it all behind, back in Afghanistan, and then again back at home. And he learned to take care of himself, and began to flourish in his chosen occupation.
At this time of his life, eight years later, he is a loving father and has rekindled his relationship with his family of origin. He has also been promoted to upper management in a very competitive and technical environment. The choice to return home did not have to mean shutting the door on the relationships gained in the Corps, but for true healing to happen, he had to embrace what he could and find solace in the places that reminded him of who he truly was.
My rates begin at $175 for a 50 minute session. I do not accept insurance – though, I can provide a superbill if you have out of network benefits.
Let’s get to know each other and see if my bottom up approach is a fit for your needs and goals.
Most people schedule their first therapy session less than a week after our free consult.
To create a space where you will feel respected, appreciated and empowered on your journey.
What you bring to therapy is as important as what I bring as your therapist. You will recognize my desire to work in collaboration with you, with empathy, trust and compassion.
I integrate bottom up approaches of Somatic experiencing, EMDR, Brainspotting, Mindfulness, Trauma informed yoga and other evidence based approaches such as Motivational interviewing and Narrative therapy.
Learn More About: Bottom Up Approaches – Anxiety – Trauma – Addictions – Bonnie
After filling out this form, you will be redirected to my online calendar where you can book a 30-minute Q&A call to see if my services are a fit for your needs.
